Was it you or was it me?

I don’t know what to do when everything falls apart.
I don’t know what to do when our heart falls apart.

Seeing our heart getting further and further,
I feel weak that there is nothing that I can do.
Or maybe there is, just that I refused to accept.

Deep inside my heart, I know that I still love you.
But, I know that I also love freedom at the same time.
Maybe I am being selfish, dreaming that I can balance two at the same time.

You said I do not care.
If I do not care, why is my heart so painful?
If I do not care, why am I screaming for you forgiveness?

Was it me or was it you?
Who was the one who push our relationship to the end?
Or was it both?

Working in TOA~~

After reading through my blog, I just noticed that I have not written anything regarding my new job. I have been working in The One Academy (TOA) for more than a month. A lot of people have asked me how is the company and the working environment.

Firstly, it is very tiring to work here. Let not go into the workload, just looking at the location of the office is worse enough. The office is located at 3rd Floor, which is the same level with where DSA, PJ Campus located in FICT. But, there is a huge difference between both offices; UTAR has lift where TOA does not have. As all the administrative offices are at Ground Floor, every day I have to climb up and down from Ground Floor to 3rd Floor. But, looking at the bright side, it is a good method for me to exercise. (^_”)

Most of the time, I am always alone in the office. Why? All lecturers in my department are guest lecturers, which mean that they will only come to college whenever there is class. As my boss, who at the same time is a celebrity, with so many shooting, he will only come in the office twice a week. What this means? It means the office is all mine during all other four days. Nowadays, MSN, playing FB, blogging, reading novel are most of the things that I have been doing in the office. Although there is no one talking to me in the office, I gained a lot of freedom, which is even better isn’t it? (^_^)

As my boss is always not in the office, I need to represent him most of the time. Attending meeting on his behalf; dealing with other departments on his behalf; liaising with Principal’s secretary on his behalf. Doing this job, it is very important for me stay focus, which most of the time is quite hard for me. It also requires me to make right decision in just a glimpse of eyes, which most of the time make me worry, worry that I may not make the right decision.

People asked me, do I miss UTAR? Duh! Of course I do. I miss having lunch with Jia, Vincent and Chiang. We always go around trying new food and nice food; I miss meeting with students, having discussion with them on the upcoming events; I miss running around for students’ event, sometimes I can even forget about my lunch and dinner; I miss guiding students on minutes writing, seeing them improve would be my biggest satisfaction of the day; I miss flower selling during Convocation. Although it is very tiring, working together with SL, Vivian and other students is always so fun; I miss the office, it is always full with my noise and laugh; I miss sitting next to Vincent, although I always teased at him.

I miss everything in UTAR, regardless it is good or bad. But, new job isn’t so bad either. At least I know I know I will be able to learn new things here and one day, I will find something in TOA which is also very important for me. (^_^)

When I First Started Blogging~~~

Looking back at old blogs sometimes really bring back lots of memories. Today, I finally are able to access to my old blog again, this kind of made me feel excited and I start reading through some of my old entries and comments.

After reading, just noticed how bad my Chinese has became. Although I speak in Chinese very often, I rarely write in Chinese, I think it must be the reason. =_=

After reading my very first entry, I noticed that I actually start blogging since April 2005 then stop blogging in April 2006. And now, after so long, I have finally able to pull back my courage and start blogging again.

I started blogging under influential of friends and I also stop blogging because of them. One point of time, we had really bad relationship due to many reasons. In fact, it was published in one of the blogs written by them. Recall back, I still remember how injured and how hurt I used to be. At that time, disbelieve is only feeling in my heart. I could never imagine my so-call best friends could treat and comment me in such a way. I believed it must be the worst memories in my lifetime.

Nevertheless, I am glad that we are able to get over that period; I am glad that we could become friends again after that. Some people said that I was too forgiving, but friendship is all about forgiving, forgive what your friends had done to them, and accept them regardless of who they are. This is the kind of friendship that I believe in.

Throughout so many years, friends come and go. People grew up differently. When one reaches another period of their life, they will move on, it is impossible for them to wait for you at the same spot. I tried to grow together with them; however, sometimes it is just too difficult. Sometimes, people just evolve differently.

After so many trial and failure, I am not sure how long I can keep the happiness that I am having now, which is why I am cherishing every friendship more than anyone else. I believed that it is important to cherish it now, than regret it later when you have lost it. I don’t know if I am good at maintaining friendship, but I do believe that friends are something that one could never live without.

Now, I continue blogging because I wanted to share; I want to share my feelings to the people who care. Instead of feeling sad and down over something that has happened, I am learning to let go and focus on present, instead of past. What had happened is over, and what is more important now is the future. Now, I am not blogging for anyone, but for myself, to record my up and down, my happiness and sadness.

Dear friends, let’s salute and wish that our friendship will never ends.

100 Random Questions

1. How old will you be in five years?
28. Gosh! I am getting older and older~~

2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
Kim Lup, has been chatting on MSN since this morning~~

3. How tall are you?
150cm.

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
Christmas Outing!!!

5. What’s the last movie you saw?
Bodyguard and Assassin.

6. Who was the last person you called?
Pau Lin, one of my colleagues at ISO Department, called her to follow up on the ISO documents.

7. Who was the last person to call you?
Eelaine, principal’s PA, to follow up with on the new syllabus's status. =_=

8. What was the last text message you received?
My boss, telling me that he will not be coming in to the office today.

9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?
Can't recall.

10. Do you prefer to call or text?
Normally to call, because I can get direct reaction.

11. What were you doing at 12am last night?
Trying to fall asleep.

12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
Married.

13. When is the last time you saw your mom?
Erm... 1 months ago, before I start my new job.

14. What color are your eyes?
Dark brown.

15. What time did you wake up today?
I think it was 7.30am

16. What are you wearing right now?
Dark Green Formal Shirt with Black Pants.

17. What is your favorite Christmas song?
All I want for Christmas - Olivia Olson

18. Where is your favorite place to be?
Hanging out with friends.

19. Where is your least favorite place to be?
When I am alone in a shopping mall.

20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
Japan~~ Have been wanting to go there for years~~

21. Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years?
Erm... Married with kids??

22. Do you tan or burn?
I think I am neither.

23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Ghost, I think.

24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?
Playing bowling and pool with Kelvin and Kim Lup. It was really fun though~~

25. How many TVs do you have in your house?
The house in PJ - none.
The house in Johor - 3.

26. How big is your bed?
The house in PJ - Single
The house in Johor - Queen

27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?
Both. Laptop doesn’t really belong to me though~~

28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
With my pyjamas.

29. What color are your sheets?
Blue.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
Six. ^_^

31. If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?
Buy a new queen size bed.

32. What was the last thing you bought?
A table lamp which was supposed to give to Phuah as his housewarming present.

33. Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?
Erm... Fetch by someone, a definite yes. Ride by myself, only once, when my friend is trying to teach me how to ride.

34. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
I wish, but I have height phobia.

35. Do you have a garden?
No, but I always wanted one.

36. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
Erm... Used to, but now forget already.

37. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
I wish morning never come.

38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
Erm~~ High hues?

39. Are you a social person?
I think so~~

40. What was the last thing you ate?
Milo with crackers.

41. What is your favorite restaurant?
Anywhere with nice ambient and good food.

42. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
Of course not.

43. How many tattoos do you have?
None, wanted to get one, but have not pull out enough courage.

44. Who was the last person you ate dinner with? tomato or butternut squash
Boyfriend and his families, who happened to be my housemates as well. =_=

45. What's the farthest-away place you've been?
Erm... I think is Thailand.

46. Do you like Chinese food?
Yes.

47. Do you like coffee?
Definitely not.

48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average?
About 4 litre.

49. What do you drink in the morning?
During breakfast? Milk. Yuckz!~ All for the healthy lifestyle~~

50. What non-banking related card in your wallet is the most valuable to you?
IC?

51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
Usually yes.

52. Are you a good cook?
Not too bad. ^_^

53. Do you like to cuddle?
YES!!~~

54. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
Duh!~ I am a driver k?

55. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No.

56. Is there anything going on this weekend?
Not for the moment. Anyone want to date me? kekeke~~

57. What do you miss about highschool, if anything?
Yes. The friendship.

58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?
Yes, Wendy, but she is one year older than me.

59. Do you want kids?
Yes, of course!! I love kids!!

60. Do you speak any other languages?
Erm... Chinese, English, Malay, Cantonese, Japanese~~

61. Do you sing in the shower?
No, never.

62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
No.

63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
Ocean~~

64. Which came first the chicken or the egg?
I refuse to answer this endless question.

65. How many keys on your key ring?
PJ House Keys - 6
Office Keys - 5
Car Keys - 2

66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
Definitely is FOOD!!!

67. Where would you retire to?
New Zealand~~

68. What kind of car do you drive?
Kancil Manual.

69. Can you roll your tongue?
Yes!

70. Who is the funniest person you know?
A lot of them are funny~~~

71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
No.

72. What is the main ring tone on your phone?
Mariah Carey - Bye Bye

73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
Don't think so. Most of them are given to relatives.

74. What red object is closest to you right now?
My handphone.

75. Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth?
No. Hehe~~

76. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Open, lazy to close~~

77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
None!! But if I have to choose, I would choose bear~~

78. What is your favorite time of the day?
Night time, because it means relaxing time~~

79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Ketchup sauce~~

80. What is your favorite food?
Erm... Cake, I think.

81. Can you change the oil on a car?
No, I don't know how~~

82. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?
No~~ Really lucky right?

83. Have you ever run out of gas?
No, I will never allow that to happen.

84. What is your usual bedtime?
12 something, near to 1am.

85. What was the last book you read?
A Chinese novel by 古灵.

86. Do you read the newspaper?
Not really.

87. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
No.

89. Do you watch soap operas?
Yes.

90. Where did you grow up?
Batu Pahat, Johor.

91. What radio station did you last listen to?
My FM.

92. How far away from your birthplace do you live now?
I was born in Ipoh, so I guess around 2 hours drive.

93. What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper?
Things to follow up with my boss when he comes in tomorrow.

94. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
Definitely a night owl.

95. What is your favorite board game?
Othello and International Chess.

96. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
No.

97. Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?
I think I can, but I am not sure.

98. Do you have pets?
Haihz!~ All are dead~~~

99. How many rings before you answer the phone?
If I am near the phone, one of two.

100. Do you like to dance?
Although I suck at dancing, I do love dancing.

Weight Loss Diary – Day 5

Date: 17/12/2009 (Thursday)

Breakfast
- 1 Sausage Bun

Lunch
- Milo with 5 crackers

Dinner
- Rice & Mee Hoon & Curry Chicken & Vegetables & Sambal Sotong
- Malay Kuih-Muih

Exercise- Stairs Climbing from Ground Floor to 3rd Floor – 7 times

Outcome
- Before: 47kg
- After: 46.5kg

Weight Loss Diary – Day 4

Date: 16/12/2009 (Wednesday)

Breakfast
- 1 Sausage Bun
- 300ml milk

Lunch
- Vegetables

Dinner
- Deep Fried Soft Shell Crab Salad
- Tiramisu Cake
- Chocolate Brownies

Exercise
- Stairs Climbing from Ground Floor to 3rd Floor – 8 times

Outcome
- Before: 47kg
- After: 47kg

=_= Now i really feel sooooo fat~~~

Weight Loss Diary – Day 3

Date: 15/12/2009 (Tuesday)

Breakfast
- 1 Sausage Bun
- 300ml milk (Yuckz!)

Lunch
- 1/2 bowl of rice
- Vegetarian dishes

Dinner
- 1 Sausage Bun

Exercise
- Stairs Climbing from Ground Floor to 1st Floor – twice

Outcome
- Before: 48kg
- After: 47kg

Weight Loss Diary – Day 2

Date: 14/12/2009 (Monday)

Breakfast
- 1 Sausage Bun

Lunch
- 3 Types of Vegetables
- 2 Fried Mushrooms
- 1 Sausage Bun
- 1 Chocolate Panna Cotta

Dinner
- Vegetables Steamboat with few fish balls
- 1 Bowl of Ice-Cream (It is a true crime~~~)

Exercise
- Stairs Climbing from Ground Floor to 1st Floor – 6 times
- 500ml Exercise Tea

Outcome
- Before: 48.5kg
- After: 48kg

Honesty Survey~~

My friend has tag me for this survey and now here we go~~

Honesty Survey

1. Honestly, what is on your mind?
- Food~~ Particularly on the steamboat dinner tonight~~

2. Honestly, what are you doing right now?
- Hehe~~ Blogging, FB-ing, MSN-ing

3. Honestly, do you think you are attractive?
- Appearance? Ok lar~~ but there is still space for improvement.
- Personality? Yes to other people. (^_^)

4. Honestly, have you done something bad today?
- Not being productive during office hours~~ hehe~~

5. Honestly, do you watch Disney Channel?
- Yes, when I was a kid and when I used to have Astro.

6. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?
- If this question was asked yesterday, then it will be a big yes!! I was jealous with those people who were playing mahjong at KS’s house. (^_’)

7. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?
- Outing with friends, sleep-over at friends’ house, and mahjong!!! (^___^)

8. Honestly, have you brushed your teeth today?
- Duh~ Of course lar~~

9. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute?
- Yes.

10. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?
- Yes.

11. Honestly, are you loyal?
- Honesty, I don’t really know.

12. Honestly, are you in denial?
- Yes.

13. Honestly, where would you rather be right now?
- Dining table.

14. Honestly, do you like anyone?
- Yes.

DIFFERENT EMOTIONS SURVEY

*Anger Section*

1. What do you do when you're mad?
- Talk to other people or sleep if there is no one to talk to.

2. What's the worst thing you've done when you were mad?
- Erm... Scold a person in public for about an hour?

3. Ever made anyone cry when you were mad?
- Don’t think so gua~~ unless ex-boyfriend counts lar~~

*Crying Section*

1. When was the last time you cried your heart out?
- Couple of months ago, when both of my grandfathers passed away. 

2. Cried yourself to sleep?
- Yes. But it was couple of years ago.

3. Do you still cry when you get an injury?
- No, but I will scream. Hehe~~

4. Do certain songs make you cry?
- “Yu Jian” and “Canon-in-D”, but not anymore

5. What usually makes you cry?
- Relationship, regardless is love, friend or family.

*Happy Section*

1. Are you normally a happy person?
- Yes, but can be rather negative sometimes. (^_^)

2. What can make you happy?
- Outing with friends, sleep-over at friends’ house, and mahjong!!! (^___^) (I thought I answered this question just now already~~)

3. Does being with your friends make you happy?
- Of course!!!

*Self-Esteem Section*

1. Do you believe in yourself?
- Depends, but I am learning to believe in myself more. (^_^)

2. When people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you believe them?
- Sometimes.

3. Are you one of those people that think they are ugly, dumb, and gross?
- No. I am felt that I could be skinner.


For those of you who are reading this entry now, YES, you are now TAG. Takkan you read my secret without giving me any returns meh~~ Come come~~ Share your secrets with me too~~ I am really very looking forward for it wor~~ Don’t try to hide from me ya~~ I know who is reading my blog~~ (^_^)

Weight Loss Diary – Day 1

Date: 13 December 2009 (Sunday)

Breakfast
- 1 Fuji Apple

Lunch
- 5 mouthful of pan mee
- 6 mouthful of vegetables

Dinner
- 1 stick of unagi
- 1 egg
- Few mouthful of miso soup
- ¾ rice

Exercise
- Dumbbell exercise – 15 times each hand

Outcome
- 1 kg gone in next morning

Weight Before: 49.5kg
Weight After: 48.5kg

Specially for you~~~

Once in awhile,
I felt that I do not fit in;
I felt that I do not belong in their world;
I felt that they do not need me here;
I felt that they might be happier without me here;
I felt that another girl is more welcomed than me;
I felt that there is no need for me to talk, and
I felt jealous…

And so,
I felt that I am not likable;
I started doubting myself;
I felt that it is a sin to have such feelings;
I felt that it is all my fault of thinking this way.

It is especially painful when I see you treat her that way,
Like there is no much difference from how you treat me;
It is especially painful when I see all of you are so attracted to her,
Like I am just someone who is not important.
When you tell me there is nothing between us,
But you just keep doing things that make me think.

But then, I start telling myself that,

It is normally for me to feel so.
All girls will need attention.
I am just not used with the newcomer that just joined us.
I am just not used to her having more attention than me.
It is normal and it is not a sin.
Day after day, one day, I will be able to treat her as part of us.

I am sure that I will able to do it.
It is just a phrase of life, where I am lost.
With the support from friends,
Knowing that they will always be with me,
It is more important than anything else in the world.

As for you,
If you cannot treat me that way that I want,
I would rather to let go.
I know it will take time,
But I will definitely recover,
From the wound that caused by you.

One day,
I will be able to stand still,
Looking proud at you,
Telling you that I have moved on,
And found someone better,
Someone who appreciates me,
Someone who does not confused me,
Someone who loves me as much as I do.

优子姓名学 - Personality Analysis

陈俐云的内在想法
Inner Thoughts of Tan Li Yun

1）脑筋比较保守死板，不容易变通。
Rigid and conversative, resist to change.

2) 外表温驯文静的样子，但是外柔内刚型。
Appears to be gentle and quiet, but actually she has an iron hand in a velvet glove.

3) 讲求道理，对就是对、不对就是不对，不能容忍放水。
Have strong principle, cannot tolerate point shaving.

4) 不喜欢冒险，喜欢安定有保障的生活。
Don't like to take rish, like secure and stable life.

5) 吃软不吃硬，只要对方态度放软就会跟着心软。
Open to persuasion but not to coercion, once the other party soften the attitude, her heart will soften.


陈俐云的外在行为
Behaviours of Tan Li Yun

1) 外表温柔内心倔强的人，内心严重缺乏安全感。
Appear to be soft, but stubborn and lack of sense of security.

2) 占有欲会显得比较强烈，常常会不安。
Possessive and restless.

3) 事情会自己全部揽起来做，比较劳碌命。
Will do everything by herself.

4）有时太爱计较，让自己很累。
Sometimes too calculative, make yourself very tired.

5) 个性比较保守，做事相对也比较安分。
More conversative, will not go beyond ones bounds be law-abiding.

Thursday + Friday

Dinner at Ah Cheng Laksa -> Ice-cream at Lecka-Lecka -> “Princess and the Frog” at Cathay Cineleisure -> Yam Cha at Look up Point, Ampang -> Yam Cha at Connaught, Cheras -> Mahjong Session at Kok Sheng’s house (Plus a short one hour nap in between) -> Lunch at Gombak -> Chit-chatting at DSA, KL Campus -> Booth setting for UTAR Open Day -> Short nap in Sick Bay, DSA, KL Campus -> Cone Pizza Dinner at Sri Rampai -> Campus Tour at KL Campus -> Memory Recapping at the “Park” in TBR (Jenn, Jo, VY, I am sure that you know which park I am talking about.) -> Mahjong session at Kok Sheng’s house -> Reached home at around 11.15pm -> Sleep at around 12.15am

Yes, and so I am dead tired now, with sore throat and slight flu.

It seems like I am having a lot of social activities recently. I must say that I really do enjoyed all the them; enjoyed the accompany from friends; enjoyed chit-chatting with them; enjoyed laughing together with them; enjoyed sharing food and drinks with them (Nasi Lemak, Asam Laksa, Curry Laksa, Cone Pizza and of course the Ice Cream~~); enjoyed watching movie with them (although Kim Lip, Kelvin and Kok Sheng may find me quite distracting, hehe~~); enjoyed the beautiful night view with them (sorry that I always give last minute instruction to stop), enjoyed taking photography with them, and of course enjoyed the mahjong session with them~~

After recapping, Suddenly felt all the negative conditions (tired, sore throat, headache) are worth it.

P/S: Thank you to those of you who tried your hardest to call me Li Yun, instead of Ms Li Yun after reading my blog, I really appreacite it, but please do not try too hard. Things doesn't change in one night, so please slowly take your step. ^^

You Are Just YOU!!! The only YOU!!

Sometimes did you ever wonder why you are not as good as other people? Sometimes did you ever wonder what your talent is? When seeing all the friends surrounding you is particularly good at something, looking back at yourself, seems like you have nothing at all, there is nothing that you can feel proud of yourself. I also used to think like this. In fact, once in awhile, this pessimistic thought will still pop up in my heart~~ But, I will chase it away immediately, because I know what I have and what I should proud of now.

When I was in primary school, I was a very very quiet girl. (It sounds not very convincing right? I know, but trust me, it is the truth.) All I did during recess is just sat in the classroom alone, reading my books. Most of my primary schoolmates are pretty, smart, intelligent, outspoken and active. (In fact more than half of them are already married.) A lot of them are either involve in ballet, dancing, or singing. Even if they are not involved in those activities, they will be good at studies, drawing, presentation, or story telling. Looking back at myself, I am good at none of these, which efficiently pulled down my self esteem.

When I proceeded to secondary school, although I became more outspoken and more active in joining activities, my self-esteem was still not high. I have 2 best friends, Yah and Wen. Yah is a super intelligent students, she is always the top scorer in class; whereas Wen has always been a perfect housewife, she is good in anything that has to do with house. As for me, I excel in neither.

The worst time in my life, must be my university life. I choose PR. I entered the course with the mind set that PR is a very easy course, all I need to do is just to talk, how naive is that? I entered the course without knowing that there are a lot of art involved and frankly speaking, I sucks at art. I am the only person cannot produced the art work properly; I am the only person who can't draw. I think I must be the only person in class that needed Jenn to help me to fix it before submitting.

My best friends in university are Jo, Jenn, VY, Chew Lay and Candy.

Jo and Jenn is good at anything that has to do with arts - playing piano/ organ, singing, dancing, designing, drawing, photography, posing and etc. Jenn can even do ballet and Taekwondo. Their creative ideas always come so fast, sometimes I found it really difficult to catch up with them. Being around them, sometimes I felt really little; I felt that I don't belong in their world. I don't share the same common sense with them and sometimes I don't even have the same interest with them. A lot of time when I am around them, I don't know what to say at all. I was always too afraid to open my month; I was too scared that I might make myself looked stupid or I might say the wrong things.

VY is always intelligent in playing with her words. Sometimes, what she said really amazed you. She is always able to say something that you never expected.

Chew Lay and Candy are always the centre of the attention. They are so special and pretty, almost every guy will lay their eyes on them. Both of them are skinny and attractive, which is something that I could never achieve.

Kelvin, I am writing this blog entry is because I want you to know that I also used to have such feelings, feeling that I am not as good as other people, feeling that I have nothing to be proud at.

However, I have learned something very important throughout these years. Friendship is the most important thing that we should feel proud at. Having talents or special abilities are not the reasons why people likes you, and of course are not the reason why you get friends. People likes you only because you are you, the ONLY special you.

I am sure that I will never meet another Kelvin that is just like you. A person who is as hardworking, as kind, as gentle, as naughty, as intelligent, as talkative (when you want to be, i.e. FB or MSN) as you. There will not be another Kelvin who will like camhoring as much you. There will not be another Kelvin who goes through all these fun time with us.

I want you to know that, you are special to me; you are special to all of us. Stop wondering that what you have to be proud of, because I can tell you right now, it is us, a group of friends will always support you no matter what happen. You should feel proud and happy that you have us, just like how much we are proud of you. ^_^

Sheau Ling's Wedding - Ipoh

I went to Ipoh for Sheau Ling’s wedding last weekend, it is truly an enjoyable trip, and I have not been having so much fun for such a long time. Attending friends’ wedding with a bunch of crazy students aka friends is really a totally different experience from every single wedding that I have ever attended.

During the wedding, we sat together to laugh and to discuss on the songs that we specially dedicated to Sheau Ling. This is the first time that I actually volunteer myself to go on stage together with them. The spirit among them just makes me feel that it is okay to do it and I should not feel shy about it.

After the dinner, KS brought us around Ipoh and ate the famous “nga choi gai” and “gai si ho fan”. We also went yam cha at the river side and tasted the sourest Lemon Plum Juice that I ever tasted, also very nice Banana Milk Shake with fruits-that-I-do-not-know-what-it-called. After that, of course is the mahjong session. We played mahjong until midnight, and then we continue playing until Killer until morning. Isn’t that really crazy?

The next day, after we woke up, we are able to taste KS’s mother’s superb sushi. The sushi is even nicer than any sushi that I have eaten. After the late breakfast, we went back to mahjong and Killer again. Lolz!~ We just played and played until it is late afternoon, until it is finally time for us to go back KL. We changed then go for late lunch before we depart to Kampar.

When we reached Kampar, another car is not here yet. Since I never had a proper visit to Kampar, Suet Yee, Ken, and Kelvin decided to bring me around. I visited the Westlake Houses and also a park next to the lake. Studying in Kampar is really relaxing and I wish that I will have the opportunity to study here too, too bad that I have already graduated. (>_<)

After we reached KL, we decided to visit Subang Airport and have dinner at Fullhouse. Then of course is the camhoring session again. Haha! It has been such a long time that I never met people who likes to take photography as much as me. Lolz!~ Playing around with all the furniture and the accessories in Fullhouse are really so fun!! The foods are also not bad. I will definitely recommend here when there is next friends gathering.

Spending time together with this bunch of students aka friends really fun and make me feel fun. (Not that I am very much older than them.) After I resigned from DSA, I am no longer their DSA officer. There is no necessity for me to keep a distance with them, now I can just let go my heart and be their friends. After I graduated, I never thought that I can do all these crazy things again; yam cha until morning; played mahjong and killer until morning; planned a night outing together; planned a paintball outing, all of this used to be so far from me, now it became so near. I really wish that this friendship will last, and we can have more fun in the future. One day, I will become Li Yun, but not Ms Li Yun anymore. ^^

23rd Birthday

My 23rd birthday is over, nothing much has happened in this year, especially when I compared with the past few years. This year, there isn’t even any birthday song. Luckily, I still received blessing and presents from a lot of my friends. Thank you everyone for your wishes and blessings. I truly appreciate it.

Thank you Voon Yin for your Japanese Dictionary, although I have stop learning it, I am sure that I will pick it up again one day. Thank you Carmen and Phuah for the body make up, although I am still not sure when to use it, I am definitely find a chance to use it one day. Thank you Say How for your Bear Handphone Hanger. Also, thank you Bao Bei for the wonderful seafood dinner and the self-made light.

The trip to Penang was fun. I have eaten a lot of good food. I ate so much that now I am feeling that I have put on a lot of weight. We went to a few places, such as the Fishermen Village, the beach, Gurney Drive, and of course not forgetting the DVD shopping at Batu Ferringgi.

It is really so fun to be able to spend time with your friends, especially when most of us have not meet up for so long, to be able sit down and spend time like this has already became a luxury among us. Since we graduated, everybody has own life and has followed different path of life. Voon Yin is now studying in Tanjung Malim and working towards teaching career. Jenn is studying her Master in Communications and juggling a few jobs at the same time. Jo has gone back to Penang and will be going off to UK for her Master next year. Such opportunities to gather together are getting lesser and lesser.

However, I must say that I am quite disappointed during this trip. When I depart, I took it as my birthday trip, a birthday trip that my best friends organized and gave to me. I didn’t want them to sponsor the trip, I know it is impossible. All I want is just a small birthday celebration with just a birthday song and maybe a small cake, which I didn’t get it all.

For the past few years, since we know each other, we have been spending each other birthday together. This is the first time that we are so far apart. Maybe when you grow older, birthday is no longer important, as it reminds you that you are growing older and older. Maybe a lot of girls hate birthday, but I am definitely not one of them. To me, birthday is a day that you are born. I always love friends’ birthday, because I am really thankful that they are born. Thanks their parents who gave them the life, so that I can know them now and enjoy every single moments with them.

Dance Club - "Pimp My Night"

Today is definitely going to be one of the most memorable nights during my working tenure in UTAR. As most of you guys would have known that I am leaving UTAR, my last day in UTAR would be next Monday. Tonight was “Talent Showcase 2009 - Pimp My Night", which was organized by Dance Club, PJ Campus. At the same time, this is also my last event/ project in UTAR.

During the preparation/ planning process, a lot of miscommunications happened among the committee. The committees were clearly not prepared for the event. Planning was not properly done. The committees were completely clueless about what they can do and what they should do. One point of time, I even considered to postpone the event. Thank god that the committees refused to do so, they insist to carry out the event as planned. Otherwise, I might feel regret for the rest of my life, for missing such a good show and killing their spirit and passion in doing this event.

I am not saying that they did a fantastic job. In fact I have seen some better events. However, with short time frame and committees who clearly were unsure of what to do, I would say that I am proud of the outcome tonight! Everybody put in their best effort in making this event a success, and I do think that it is a successful event!! For such a long time, I stop seeing PD011 full with people. Ever since most courses were transferred to other campuses, almost all events are facing the problems of getting audience, and today the hall was full. It was so full that people actually have not enough places to sit. They have to stand or sit on the table. It was just so encouraging and motivating!

This makes me regret on my decision for tendoring my resignation. I am really so happy working with all the students here, helping them during event was so tiring, yet so enjoyable. This is the kind of feeling that I might never get in other institutions, industries or other position.

Jo told me that I have to move on; maybe I will be able to see better and more wonderful things at the world outside. UTAR is always going to be one of the best memories in my life. My effort and contribution in UTAR will not come to a waste. At the end of the day, I will be able held my head high and says that I am proud of myself and I am proud of UTAR students. Because they are really a bunch of kids who are able to make the impossible into possible!

Sevanes has started working in PJ Campus, which means I can start counting down to my last day in UTAR.  Now, since Sevanes is already here, I think it is time for me to packing my things to handover to her.

I guess 1 month notice is a bit too long for me. It is so long that I have almost forgotten that I am leaving UTAR. Having pack workloads of course are also not helping.

Now, with the return of Mr. Deneish and presence of Sevanes, it kind of hit me hard in the head that I really have to go... It is time for me to move on... It is time for me to leave...

It was really fun for the past month and I really enjoyed myself. Thank you to all my colleagues who have been taking care of me. I really enjoyed being colleagues... and friends with you guys. It is definitely going to be one of the most memorable experiences in my life.

Confess

Not long ago, my long lost friend found me through Facebook. (I really feel that Facebook is a wonderful invention. It really does help you to find your old friends.) He is now facing some relationship problems and lacking of courage to confess.

I always tell people, "One person must always try not to leave any regrets in their life. A lot of times, chance only comes once. Once you missed it, you might not get it ever again in your entire life."

I know it is very difficult to make the first move. Even for me, it is very difficult. I may be able to show people what I am feeling; I may try my hardest to get closer to a person; I may attempt to make him interested at me; But, it would be too difficult for me to go forward and tell him exactly what I feel.

Maybe it would be easier if I am drunk.

However, if you never try, you will never know the end result. A lot of times, before they start doing anything, they will start to imagine. Instead of imagining good things which may happen, they will usually imagine the bad things. I think most people are just not so optimistic when it comes to relationship. However, things really might not be as bad as what they have imagined. In fact, once you have prepared yourself for the worst, nothing should be able to scare you anymore.

What is the worst thing that may happen after he confesses? The worst part is they may not be friends anymore. Of course he is definitely going to be really sad for losing a friend. However, look at bright side, after he takes some rest and move on, he will be able to find someone who will love him in return. Instead of wasting his time on someone who will not love him, isn’t it better if he can spend his time on someone better.

Sometimes, life is a gamble or we can also call it a choosing path. The way we choose may or may not have the result that we wanted. However, if we never choose/do anything, we will just be stuck here forever, without knowing how to move on.

Of course, courage doesn't come often. So, remember whenever you have the courage, move immediately, otherwise the courage may just go and you will miss the chance of clearing your doubts. Normally, second chance doesn’t come easily.

Dear friend, I don't know if you will be reading this entry, if you are, I sincerely hope that you will consider what I have just said now and yesterday seriously.

Rejected...

I was rejected for a translation job which I applied last week through Internet. :(

It is a job which I am supposed to translate proposals from English to Chinese. I spent so much effort and time in translating the trial copy. In the end, I was still rejected...

I am really disappointed with the outcome. I really thought it was not too bad and I will be accepted. I admitted that there are a lot of terms which I am unsure of what it called in Mandarin, but I have done several research through Internet to ensure that I get it right...

Maybe I was just too confident; Maybe I am just not cut for translation; Maybe I am not as good as I imagined.

First Translation Job

I have received my first translation job!!!

Now, I am officially a freelance translator for Cosway Malaysia. Finally, I got a part time job which I can work at home and earn money at the same time. Not just any part time where I have to go out to meet people, approach people, convince people. Now, all I need to do is stay home and type!!!

I am not too sure with the current market rate for translation. Cosway is paying me 20 cent per word, which I am quite happy with it. As a fresh starter, I won't expect to earn a lot. In fact, 20 cent per word is already good enough for me.

At the same time, I have also applied for some other translation job, let's cross fingers and hope that it will work out too!!!

I'm Going to Beyonce's Concert!!!

I just received my 23rd birthday present from Chong Lin, and guess what... I AM GOING TO BEYONCE'S CONCERT!!!!

I never ever watch any live concert before; it has always been a biggest regret in my life. Now is my first ever experience going for a concert, a Beyonce's concert, sitting at RM383 seats!!! Could life get any better than this???!!!!

I really cannot believe it when I saw the tickets. Yes, ticket'S', I am going to watch it with Jolene. To ensure that I will fully enjoy the show, he kindly suggested me to bring Jolene with me, as he felt that both of us will appreciate the show much better than him.

When I called her, she is soooo happy... I am sure that she is screaming and thanking Chong Lin right now... I guessed it is really an unexpected gift for both of us. :D

Darling, thank you soooo much for your wonderful present!!!

Resignation

I have officially tender my resignation. It has come to a point where there is no return. I sign the offer letter and tender my resignation on the same day. Deep inside, I know I will regret. Deep inside, I know I might not leave. Maybe that's why I wanted to settle everything immediately.

I must admit I regret almost immediately after I step out from Ms Tian's office. I am afraid that it is not a correct decision; I am afraid that it might be a mistake; I am afraid that TOA might not be better than UTAR; I am afraid that people in TOA might not like me; I am afraid that I cannot coped the job in TOA.

I keep telling myself that I have to look forward and step out from this comfort zone. However, it just seems difficult. Perhaps I just need more courage.

Taking Back My Love - Enrique Iglesias ft. Ciara

Go ahead just leave, can't hold you, you're free

You take all these things, if they mean so much to you

I gave you your dreams, 'cause you meant the world

So did I deserve to be left here hurt?

You think I don't know you're out of control

I ended up finding all of this from my boys

Girl, you're stone cold, you say it ain't so

You already know I'm not attached to material

I'd give it all up but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love

I've given you too much but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love

My love

Yeah, what did I do but give love to you?

I'm just confused as I stand here and look at you

From head to feet, all that's not me

Go 'head, keep the keys, that's not what I need from you

You think that you know

(I do)

You've made yourself cold

(Oh yeah)

How could you believe them over me, I'm your girl

You're out of control

(So what?)

How could you let go?

(Oh yeah)

Don't you know I'm not attached to material?

I'd give it all up but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love

I've given you too much but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love

I'd give it all up but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love

I've given you too much but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love

So all this love I give you, take it away

(Uh, uh huh)

You think material's the reason I came

(Uh, uh huh)

If I had nothing would you want me to stay

(Uh, uh huh)

You keep your money, take it all away

I'd give it all up but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love

I've given you too much but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love

I'd give it all up but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love

I've given you too much but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love

I'd give it all up but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love

I've given you too much but I'm takin' back my love

I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love

Ooh, my love

(I'm taking back my love)

Ooh, my love

Leaving...

I told Miss Tian that I am leaving yesterday.

To my surprise, she does not have much response. In fact, she wished me all the best. Perhaps she already has mental preparation when I told her last time. Immediately in the same afternoon, she called all Managers and me to discuss on the job delegation. I know it is correct and normal to do so, but... I just can’t help but felt really sad listening to it...

The idea of "I am leaving here!!" just hit me hard on the head. I suddenly feel really sad to leave here, leaving a place where I have worked and grew for 1 year and 3 months; leaving a bunch of colleagues who have treated me really well; leaving bosses who really helped me to grow...

I start feeling left out from all the decision making process; I start feeling left out from all the meetings. Now, it seems like the only thing I should focus on is to tidy up all the files and documents. It makes me really sad and uncomfortable...

I know there is already no return; I know I make my own decision; I know I should look forward; I know I should not feel regret on the decisions that I have made; I know I should be stronger... But, it is really hard. It is so difficult that it hurts me when I try...

I try to stay happy; I try to look happy; I try to convince myself that I want to leave; I try to show people that the next job is better; I try to convince myself that next job is better; I try to convince myself that the there is more opportunities in next company; I try to convince myself... I will be able to find better friends in the other companies...

Trying is really tiring... I am feeling so tired that I don't know what I do... I try to pull myself up... I try to run away from these negative thinking... But... nothing seems to be working... I still stuck here, in here…

Hot and Cold - Katy Perry

You change your mind

Like a girl changes clothes

Yeah, you PMS like a bitch

I would know

And you always think

Always speak cryptically

I should know

That you're no good for me

'Cause you're hot then you're cold

You're yes then you're no

You're in and you're out

You're up and you're down

You're wrong when it's right

It's black and it's white

We fight, we break up

We kiss, we make up

You, you don't really wanna stay, no

You, but you don't really wanna go, oh

'Cause you're hot then you're cold

You're yes then you're no

You're in and you're out

You're up and you're down

We used to be just like twins, so in sync

The same energy now's a dead battery

Used to laugh 'bout nothing

Now you're plain boring I should know

That you're not gonna change

'Cause you're hot then you're cold

You're yes then you're no

You're in and you're out

You're up and you're down

You're wrong when it's right

It's black and it's white

We fight, we break up

We kiss, we make up

You, you don't really wanna stay, no

You, but you don't really wanna go, oh

You're hot then you're cold

You're yes then you're no

You're in and you're out

You're up and you're down

Someone call the doctor

Got a case of a love bipolar

Stuck on a rollercoaster

Can't get off this ride

You change your mind

Like a girl changes clothes

'Cause you're hot then you're cold

You're yes then you're no

You're in and you're out

You're up and you're down

You're wrong when it's right

It's black and it's white

We fight, we break up

We kiss, we make up

'Cause you're hot then you're cold

You're yes then you're no

You're in and you're out

You're up and you're down

You're wrong when it's right

It's black and it's white

We fight, we break up

We kiss, we make up

You, you don't really wanna stay, no

You, but you don't really wanna go, oh

You're hot then you're cold

You're yes then you're no

You're in and you're out

You're up and you're down, down, down, down...

Leaving UTAR...

After I announced that I am leaving UTAR, a lot of people asked, "Since you are so happy in UTAR, why do you still want to leave?". Actually this is a question that I also thought for a really long time.

It all began in July, when UTAR started the head-count system and internal departmental transfer if head-count of the department has exceeded the limit. In July, Loans and Scholarships have been transferred to Exam Department. (I know it don’t really have anything to do with me. But still!) Since the Loans and Scholarships are transferred, Annie was also transferred to Exam Department. This is when I start feeling lonely, everybody is leaving, and ultimately I will be the only person left in UTAR. The fear sorts of provoke me wanting to leave too...

However, provoking normally will not last long. After few weeks, the anxious feeling of wanting to leave has cooled down, then I start thinking -- maybe UTAR isn’t all that bad.

Maybe it is really destiny. The low yearly increment has caused me make up my mind to leave. When I first got the news, I really can't believe that everyone actually has same standard increment. It means no matter how good you are, how matter how hardworking you are, you are still getting the same increment with everybody else that might not even done half of what you are doing. Isn't that really unfair? Moreover, how fast can you salary raised if you are only getting RM100 increment each year? That's when I learned that it is time for me to leave.

I do not expect a four, five thousand salary per month, but it should be relatively enough for me to spend and save at the same time. I really cannot imagine myself working for few years, but not even a penny in my bank account.

I know I am realistic but who are not?

New Job

I finally got a new job!! I will be working as Secretary for Interior Design Department in The One Academy (TOA) in middle of November.

When I go for interview, I didn't expect them will offer me the job immediately... Okie... I did kind of expected or rather hoped that it will be the case... I was really excited when TOA offered me the job. I am especially happy when the Head of Department told me that he is happy with my resume and the GM of TOA highly recommended me. :) Almost immediately after I came out from the interview, I start calling everyone to inform them about the good news.

After the fifth call, the excitement start fading, but I still feel really happy. In fact Jo and I went for Mani/Pedi session in The Gardens. (It is not exactly planned for the offered, but still... it is a relax session cum celebration!) After that, we went to Jusco and I brought one skirt which is soooo pretty!

Then, we came home. Jo went out for dinner with her friends. Now, I suddenly start feeling very upset... It is like... the idea that I am leaving UTAR just suddenly hit me on the head. I started to feel very reluctant to leave UTAR... I have so much fun here, I enjoy hanging out with my colleagues so much, and now... I am leaving...

Today, the Head of Department of TOA asked me, "Are you happy working UTAR?". Without having a second thought, I immediately answered "YES!". I really have enjoyable period in UTAR; I really learned so much in UTAR, from Ms Tian, in fact, there are so much more that I could learn.

But, I think it is time to move on. It is time for me to look forward for a better future, for a better career advancement.

Happy Belated Birthday Jenn!!!

Happy belated birthday Jenn! Lolz!~

Yesterday was Jenn's birthday, I am not too sure about her, but I have to say that I really enjoy myself!!

First, we went to Jogoya for lunch (11am - 2pm). None of us ever went before and Jenn sort of has a craving on Japanese buffet, although it is very expensive, we decided to hell with it, we just go. :) I was so filling!!! We ate so much that I almost vomited half way through the lunch. I didn't even really get up and scout for food, imagine if I also join them, it is going to be really scary. However, I didn't really attack the desert session, by that time, I was already too full to stuff in anymore deserts. Nevertheless, despite the price, it was a really a wonderful lunch.

Then, we went to Neway Times Square for Karaoke. It was so fun!! My conclusion is that I love Neway so much more than Redbox!!! The most amazing part that I love the most is that their English songs actually have subtitle!! Not only 1 or 2 songs, is all the songs!! For Chinese educated people like me, this is really the biggest discovery!! A lot of times, I can't really remember the lyrics, so I normally will not be join in when people is singing English songs. But, for yesterday, I can! It is so enjoyable, we actually sang from 3pm all the way to 6.30pm. First, we thought it is long, but, it actually seems not really enough when we reached the end.

After karaoke, it is dinner time again! Since we had a really filling lunch, we decided to walk around shopping while the food digests. :) Times Square clothes are really cheap and guess what! All of us got carried away by shopping and we missed the dinner time. So I have no choice but to start on where to go.

In the end, we settled on Piccadilly, as my cousin, Sara said it is nice. (Thank you so much, my dear!) It is really not bad, the food is nice, it is not expensive and the beer is cheap!! After we finish our late dinner (I actually ate Green Garden Salad!!), we just start drinking and chatting until past twelve. We have to leave early because I am already very tired and sleepy. Sorry babes!

Yesterday was really fun and it has so long that we gather together and have fun. I really love you guys and hope that we can gather together again soon. :)

Art/ Design

I just completed the front cover design for Orientation Booklet for October 2009.

Things changed really fast and it is really true when people said that you will change as you grow and as you have different experience.

Still remember when I was much younger, I used to really hate art or anything that have anything to do with art. Art is always one of my biggest nightmare during my study time, especially when I was taking Introduction to Arts in Foundation. I am sure that people who took Foundation with me still remember how horrible I did for the practical of the subject. Every time before I submit my work, my friend, normally is Jenn, who will have to help me to sharpen the work. (Thank you so much babes!)

Somehow or other, after I come into UTAR, my interest in arts suddenly grows. I started to feel that art/ design is such an interesting subjects and it is not as bad as how I would imagine. Although I am always not directly involve in the production of our designs, brainstorming seems to be constantly interesting and motivating.

Throughout the years, I have believed that I will always do horrible in arts; I am always horrible when it comes to design. This feeling is so strong especially when I am surrounded by people/ friends who are really fantastic in such things.

However, when I start working, to my surprise, I am actually the most creative staff in the department. Ever since then, all the design will be handled by me. I have to say I am really shock when first work passed to me.

Although my design is not as good as others, it is not even comparable with my wonderful friends, at least now I have gained confident to do a design work independently. It might not be the best, but it will always be the work that I put in my best effort.

Cover - Booklet Oct 09 Orientation

我不笨,我努力

努力不一定會成功，但成功卻永遠需要努力。

有兩個小學生，為了打羽毛球，把學校禮堂的一百多張長凳搬開，打完球再歸位，同學都笑他們笨，後來他們卻成了羽毛球國手。
→ → 其實不怕麻煩，可以實現夢想。

有一個大型才藝比賽，主辦單位打破多年慣例，賽前先發紀念品給小朋友，有人說：「主辦單位有點笨，大家領了紀念品，閉幕典禮時就會很冷清。」結果閉幕時場面非常熱鬧。
→ →其實尊重，可以獲得支持。

有一個人，去打籃球，常常輸。隊友說：「你為什麼這麼笨，都不搶球，能贏都不贏。」他答道：「我們在球場，受到這麼多人的歡迎，他們多麼喜歡跟我們打球。」
→ →其實輸球，可以換來好人緣。

有一個人，帶女朋友去看電影，路不熟，到了戲院，電影已散場。去吃飯，忘了帶皮夾，只得對女朋友說：「能不能借我一點錢。」到女友府上拜訪，遲到了半個多小時，原來摩托車沒油了，他竟然氣喘如牛的推著摩托車趕來。她還是嫁給了這位傻小子。
→ →其實真心，可以換真情。

有一個人，早上出門，後面車子煞車不及撞上來，對方急忙下車向他賠罪，他想：「一點小擦撞，大家都在趕時間，人沒事就好！」回家後，發現保險桿已經搖搖欲墜。朋友說：「你真笨，應該抄下他的車號。」他說：「事情過去就算了。」過幾天，他接到保險公司的理賠通知，原來對方早已記下他的車號。
→ →其實不計較，可以得到公平對待。

有個女孩，騎摩托車到大賣場買東西，結帳出來，看到一個人，鬼鬼祟祟的坐在摩托車上，東張西望，她沒好氣的說：「你坐在我車上做什麼？」他哭笑不得的說：「小姐，我已經等你半小時了，你沒事幹麼鎖住我的車。」在婚禮上，人家問他：「你為什麼娶她？」他說：「我喜歡她的迷糊。」
→ →其實迷糊，可以得到疼惜。

有一個人，常常托同事幫她買早點，她總是給30元，買一塊她常吃的麵包，有一天這位男同事休假，她自己跑去買麵包才發現，她買的麵包早已漲價成35元。從此以後，她都會多看他一眼，沒多久，公司流傳了一段佳話「五塊錢買一個老婆。」
→ →其實吃虧，可以獲得好感。

從小聽到大的故事「龜兔賽跑」，總是以為，現實生活裏，絕對不會有人像兔子般，因為貪睡而輸給烏龜。長大後漸漸發現「其實有成就的人，不是靠能力而是靠努力」。

有些人的成就，是你的十倍、百倍、千倍、萬倍，但是他的能力卻不一定是你的十倍、百倍、千倍、萬倍。不是他比你聰明，而是他笨笨的，去做一些你所不願去做的事。

在人生中，聰明的人，常常在最後，變笨了；而笨的人，卻常常在最後，變聰明了。遇到寒冷酷熱，聰明的人逃開了；笨的人，卻傻傻的去親身嘗試，意外的在寒冷酷熱中成長，因為笨的人都知道：「努力不一定會成功，但成功卻永遠需要努力。」

"Orphan"

"Orphan" is really good! I really indeed enjoyed the show. Although it is a bit too scary and exciting to me, I still think it is a good movie. :)

Like I mentioned in the previous post and now witnessed with my own eyes, Isabelle Fuhrman can really act! I knew she is good, I never expected that she is this good!

When she acted as a little girl, she is the cutest and sweetest girl in the world. However, when she showed her true colour, she looks creepy and scary just like how I would imagine. It is so believing that she is psycho and is going to kill you whenever there is a chance. The most amazing part is when she acted as a 33-year-old woman. Her eyes, her face, her gesture really make you believe that she is a mature scary woman! As a young 14-year-old girl, I even think she acted better than anyone else. Her eyes are so evil!

The most disturbing part is that every time she killed or attempt to kill, her young 6-year-old sister, Maxine is always there looking watching. I cannot imagine how traumatic she will be after she grown up.

Overall, I think it is a great movie. The twist at the end where Esther is actually 33 years old gave most of the people in cinema a huge shock. That was totally unexpected!

It is a movie that I would recommend to watch in the cinema, instead of buying DVD and watch at home, because it is most scary with the sound and visual effect.

Online Contests

I have been crazily in love with online contests!

First, it is a thought of wanna try out my luck, then when I actually won something, although it is just some movie tickets, it already made me so happy!

Now, I have become obsessed with online contests. Everyday, all the time, I will be stuck with the search engine, searching for more online contests. When a specific website is slow in uploading new contest, I will be frustrated with the web master.

I think it has kind of become a little bit unhealthy, I should start adjusting myself back to normal. Online contests are good and interesting, but I should not be too obsessed with it, especially when it starts affecting my personal life...

Mood Swing...

I think I am in quite a serious mood swing today... One moment I feel really happy... One moment I feel really down... One moment I feel very annoyed... One moment I feel very irritated... What happen to me?

Going for "Orphan" Tonight!

Yeah! Finally I get to watch a movie again! Tonight I am going to watch "Orphan" with CL and his friend!

It has been such a long time that I never go for movie after Jo leave. When she still around in KL, we normally go for a movie once a week. (That's kind of crazy right?)

Anyway, Orphan has been a movie that I wanted to watch so badly!!! I know it is a scary movie. I know my eyes are normally half close (Hide behind my bag) when I am watching it! I know CL's hand will be really painful after the movie. (Hold really tightly by me!) But, the storyline sounds so interesting that I couldn't stop myself from wanting to watch it. (^___^)

Sara has watched the show and she told the movie is really good and although Isabelle Fuhrman is only 14 and she can REALLY act, that kind of made me look forward to the movie. People say that twist at the end of the movie is also very interesting. Although I already know what is it (I shouldn't have asked Sara), I still want to know how they film it.

Basically, let's just cross fingers and hope that the movie is good and I will enjoy the show!!

愛情的真諦‏

石頭問：我究竟該找個我愛的人做我的妻子呢？還是該找個愛我的人做我的妻子呢？

佛笑了笑：這個問題的答案其實就在你自己的心底。這些年來，能讓你愛得死去活來，能讓你感覺得到生活充實，能讓你挺起胸不斷往前走，是你愛的人呢？還是愛你的人呢？

石頭也笑了：可是朋友們都勸我找個愛我的女孩做我的妻子

佛說：真要是那樣的話，你的一生就將從此註定碌碌無為！你是習慣在追逐愛情的過程中不斷去完善自己的。你不再去追逐一個自己愛的人，你自我完善的腳步也就停滯下來了

石頭搶過了佛的話：那我要是追到了我愛的人呢？會不會就……

佛說：因為她是你最愛的人，讓她活得幸福和快樂被你視作是一生中最大的幸福，所以，你還會為了她生活得更加幸福和快樂而不斷努力。幸福和快樂是沒有極限，所以你的努力也將沒有極限，絕不會停止。

石頭說：那我活的豈不是很辛苦？

佛說：這麼多年了，你覺得自己辛苦嗎？石頭搖了搖頭，又笑了。

石頭問：既然這樣，那麼是不是要善待一下愛我的人呢？

佛搖了搖頭，說：你需要你愛的人善待你嗎？

石頭苦笑了一下：我想我不需要。

佛說：說說你的原因。石頭說：我對愛情的要求較為苛刻，那就是我不需要這裡面夾雜著同情夾雜著憐憫，我要求她是發自內心的愛我的，同情憐憫寬容和忍讓雖然也是一種愛，儘管也會給人帶來某種意義上的幸福，但它卻是我深惡痛絕，如果她對我的愛夾雜著這些，那麼我寧願她不要理睬我，又或者直接拒絕我的愛意，在我還來得及退出來的時候，因為感情是隻能越陷越深的，絕望遠比希望來的實在一些，因為絕望的痛是一剎那的，而希望的痛則是無限期的。

佛笑了：很好，你已經說出了答案！

石頭問：為什麼我以前愛著一個女孩時，她在我眼中是最美麗的？而現在我愛著一個女孩，我卻常常會發現長得比她漂亮的女孩呢？

佛問：你敢肯定你是真的那麼愛她，在這世界上你是愛她最深的人嗎？

石頭毫不猶豫地說：那當然！

佛說：恭喜。你對她的愛是成熟、理智、真誠而深切的。

石頭有些驚訝：哦？

佛又繼續說：她不是這世間最美的，甚至在你那麼愛她的時候，你都清楚地知道這個事實。但你還是那麼地愛著她，因為你愛的不只是她的青春靚麗，要知道韶華易逝，紅顏易老，但你對她的愛戀已經超越了這些表面的東西，也就超越了歲月。你愛的是她整個的人，主要是她的獨一無二的內心。

石頭忍不住說：是的，我的確很愛她的清純善良，疼惜她的孩子氣。

佛笑了笑：時間的任何考驗對你的愛戀來說算不得什麼。

石頭問：為什麼後來在一起的時候，兩個人反倒沒有了以前的那些激情，更多的是一種相互依賴？

佛說：那是因為你的心裡已經潛移默化中將愛情轉變為了親情…

石頭摸了摸腦袋：親情？

佛繼續說：當愛情到了一定的程度的時候，是會在不知不覺中轉變為親情的，你會逐漸將她看作你生命中的一部分，這樣你就會多了一些寬容和諒解，也只有親情才是你從誕生伊始上天就安排好的，也是你別無選擇的，所以你後來做的，只能是去適應你的親情，無論你出生多麼高貴，你都要不講任何條件的接受他們，並且對他們負責對他們好。

石頭想了想，點頭說道：親情的確是這樣的。

佛笑了笑：愛是因為相互欣賞而開始的，因為心動而相戀，因為互相離不開而結婚，但更重要的一點是需要寬容、諒解、習慣和適應才會攜手一生的。

石頭沉默了：原來愛情也是一種宿命。

石頭問：在這樣的一個時代，這樣的一個社會裡，像我這樣的一個人這樣辛苦地去愛一個人。是否值得呢？

佛說：你自己認為呢？

石頭想了想，無言以對。

佛也沉默了一陣，終於他又開了口：路既然是自己選擇的，就不能怨天尤人，你只能無怨無悔。

石頭長吁了一口氣，石頭知道他懂了，他用堅定的目光看了佛一眼，沒有再說話。

TOA 2nd Interview!!!

OMG!!! I actually got a call from The One Academy (TOA).

After waiting for so long (Exceeding two weeks time where they have promised), I thought they will not call and I have failed the interview. Who knows they actually still remember me! And they actually call me for 2nd interview!!

Not saying that I really wanted this job, but I would actually prefer it more than Lulu Nyonya. Although the salary is not as good, but at least I feel like I am doing something that I like and I feel comfortable with. (It seems like I have fall back into my comfort zone...)

One of the most important reasons of why I wanted this job so badly is because it is a Interior Design Department. I love interior design! I always hope that I can learn something on interior design. If I have more money, if I have more time, I would actually go and take up a course in interior design.

Moreover, the working hours for this job are shorter than Lulu Nyonya and it is nearer! If I take up the Lulu Nyonya job, I will actually have to wake up earlier than now, which is something that ultimately unhappy with. Okie... I admit... I am a person who loves to sleep. So getting me up from bed earlier is definitely out of the picture...

Now, I suddenly hope that Lulu Nyonya will not call me... Now I will need to decide which job do I want to take... Waiting for a job that might not be mine but I like it more or take on a job that I can accept and will put myself under more unnecessary stress...

Yvonne's Wedding

Finally it is over...After a week of preparation (As a bridesmaid), finally the wedding ceremony is over.

I think the ceremony is kind of nice and romantic. I think the surprise that Ming Yew gave Yvonne before the ceremony is extremely touching and romantic (Although I am not there to witness it).

A lot of preparations such as dress code and rehearsal have been done leading to the ceremony. During the preparation, of course we felt angry and mistreated, but all and all, it really worth it after you see the outcome on the night.

Actually I have nothing much to write for that night, I just feel that I should record it down, so I will remember it, 12 September 2009, the night where I become the bridesmaid for Yvonne and Ming Yew's wedding.

Tiring Night...

Yesterday was a real tiring day!!!

Going off from work earlier, run around PJ to pick up people (Sara, Mei Shien, Ken) and stuff (Mei Shien's Dress), then rush to Equatorial Hotel for a rehearsal. (Not mentioning that people have been screaming at me that I am late for the rehearsal. Please lar... You think I like to be stuck in the jam is it?) After spending half an hour on the rehearsal, immediately have to run out and rush to Kota Damansara for Fern’s farewell dinner. Then, spend the whole night discussing with Mei Shien whether we should sing 天天夜夜 or not... The most annoying part is -- if there is no space to slot in an additional programme, then just don't ask me lar... Making me worried for nothing nia...

Nevertheless, it is still a wonderful dinner for yesterday night. We laugh and discussed on some "sensitive" issue. The outing really makes me enjoy myself. But, I also start wonder did I talk too much last night. Erm… maybe I should keep quiet and maintain my innocence look. Anyway, it is too late to regret, what is done has already been done. I have no idea how long more I will be able to stay in UTAR, so I should cherish all my time here with everyone.

Tonight, I will stay over at Joey's house and getting ourselves ready for tomorrow BIG day. (Why I sound like I am the one getting married?) Hope that everything went well for tonight. No argument, just pure happiness!

Lucky!!!

I am feeling sooooo happy that I am flying to the sky!!!

Haha! Today is such a lucky day for me!!! Best things of all, I won FOUR complimentary movie tickets!!!

Not really because I want to watch the movie, in fact I don't even know what the movie is all about. But, the feeling of winning something is really making me so happy and feels so wonderful!!!

Moreover, Ms Tian starts treating me normal again!!! She actually treats me well, chat with me and gave me a bag! The awkward feeling in me is starting to disappear and I am so grateful for that.

Now, I need to focus and thinking what should I do with the FOUR tickets. Haha! Maybe I can distribute the tickets in this way -- 1 for myself, 1 for Chong Lin, 1 for Yee Yun and 1 for Kuan. Erm... I think that's a pretty good arrangement, as long as all of them are free and watch together... Too bad that Jo is not here, or else I would have watched it together with her.

STOP!!! Today is a happy and lucky day, stop thinking on something that will make you unhappy and sad!!

Hope that the luck will go on until tonight and everything will turn up well for today!!!

Choosing Path

I am unhappy now... The unhappy feeling is slowly killing me...

I doubt whether I have made the correct decision. I doubt which decision is the correct decision. Ever since I told Ms Tian, it seems like everything is no longer the same. The initial intention is to give her early mental preparation, so she will know what to rely on me and what not to. However, the feeling that she no longer trusts me is slowing killing me. From past until now, proving my values in the company/ office is always ultimately important to me, thus when I start having the uncertain feeling, it is making me really panic and worry.

Fernn is also leaving the company... Jolene has left the house... It seems like everybody is slowing leaving, leaving me alone standing here, holding on for nothing, or something that I don't know of..

Staying here over friends is never a smart/ good rationale. I know, I understand, I just can't do it. I am feeling scare of what might happen after I left the company. It is like... One moment I have decided to leave, the next moment I doubt. This is really too suffering for me... Annie left, then Say How left, now Fernn is also leaving... Chiang also will be leaving sooner or later... Again, I will be the only person left alone here... I don't want that to happen, so I want to leave before I am the last! But, I just cannot make up my mind to leave now.

Today, I almost don't know how to face Ms Tian. It is just so awkward and weird. Fernn asks me why, I also don't know why. I think it is just me. Perhaps I placed too much emphasis on creating my value in the company. When I start losing my value, it is kind of scary for me. But, can I stay in UTAR forever? Will I be happy to stay here forever? Even after everyone have left...

Opportunity doesn’t always come. It may come today and leave tomorrow. Chance may only come once in a lifetime. Do you really want to give it up over such reason? Now I am standing in front of the choosing path, either take left or right... But it is really difficult, almost too difficult for me to make up my mind, too difficult for me to let go...

又惹祸了~~~

我又惹忠霖生气了。。。

我承认我这次是真的过分了一点，一回来就不停的讲电话，完全没听过。就算他脸黑黑对着我，我还是依然故我，甚至他已经气地走出去，我还是没停。最后还是快到睡觉时间，他进来的时候，我才肯盖电话。

其实我也不知道为什么会将那么久，自从中学毕业后，我已经没有试过讲那么久的电话，讲了几乎有三个钟头。可是，才久久一次，这么要那么生气呢？

后来，回头想想，如果我是他，我大概也会生气吧！两人相聚的时间只有晚上，我却不拿来陪另一半，反而拿来讲公司的东西。已经那么迟回来了，最后实践还是花在别人的身上，我真的可以明白为什么他那么不爽。

可是，我真的不知道现在可以怎样道歉，要怎样才可以消消他的气呢？

刚才他把我从他的房间赶出来，我在外面站了很久，一直在想要怎样向他道歉。要敲门道歉？要sms道歉？还是什么都不做？当然，同时我也希望他会发现我在门外，然后出来找我。可惜，他完全不理我。站了差不多5分钟，他完全没有反应，最后也只能敲门道歉。

真的很后悔！怪自己怎么能让他那么生气！所以决定写下来，提醒自己以后不可以再重复同样的mistake，一定要尽量同样的事情再次发生。一定要！

满足感~~

昨天的心情难得不错，觉得自己做了意见蛮有意义的事。第一次，我觉得原来这份工也不会差嘛！

由于来月经，再加上工作量爆增的关系，一整天都处于不开心的情况，甚至需要加班到9点多，几乎已经到了心理上及生理上的极限。可是，就在我准备收工时，我收到了这一个email，“Can I resign?”。

一看到时，我真的是吓倒了。是，我知道这个chairman和committee有一些问题，可是，没想到既然那么严重。其实，我已经和他的treasurer说好了，在下个星期，我会和他们全部committee开一个会来reshuffle那个committee。所以，我完全没有想到他会那么快就要辞职。

在想了一会后，我决定马上打给他，和他聊聊，顺便鼓励一下他。说说下，他的心情也好多了，也决定继续拿这个position。我也让他知道，我不只是一个DSA Officer，假如他还有什么committee上的难题的话，他可以跟我讲，而我也会尽力去帮他。

以前，常常听到Miss Tian说，要对我们的工作由passion。她对这份工作很有passion，因为当你帮了一个学生后，那种满足感是不能取代的。以前，我没办法真正明白，现在我好像开始可以感受到了。

第一次，真的有认真地想，或者这份工也不错，或者我根本就不需要辞职，或者我比较适合这分工。。。

Congratulations!

Congratulations to myself and Jolene!!

Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations to 2 of us!

The business is growing!! Within a week, we received a total of 4 orders! 2 Valentine Bears (Pairs), 1 Love Bear (Pairs) and 1 Wedding Bear (Pairs). It sounds really good right? Especially when we are just starting! This is really making me so happy! I bet that I am going jump over the moon really soon.

I am so exciting, whenever I finish a set, I could not stop myself but to jump around and tell people how exciting I am. Isn't that great? When I showing people and when they liked it, the business just keep coming in! All the other 3 deals come with the first deal.

This is really good! It makes me feels like at least I am worth of something. When I want to, I can actually have a chance to make it into a success!

Let's just cross fingers and hopes that everything will get better. Our dreams will eventually come true one by one! The dream of liaising with NGO! And the best dream ever is that one day we would expand enough to open a Bears Cafe!

J, I know you probably will not see this. But, I really believe in you! And I am sure that we will be able to make it a success!

生意困扰...

Bear 的生意快开始了，而我们也收到了有史以来的两个订单，其中一个竟然是在这个星期六due（情人节）。

现在真得很担心，很担心。Design是已经出来了，可是却一直缝不出来，因为那个sewing machine有问题。现在我们已经直接放弃sewing machine，直接用手缝。真不能相信，用手缝的，竟然会快过sewing machine。

还好Jolene现在开始画pattern，如果一切没问题的话，我就可以照着pattern缝，那可真是容易多了。

其实中间遇到困难时，真的有一种想要放弃的感觉。如果不是因为我们已经花了那么多钱，我想我可能已经放弃了吧！

现在是希望我们可以快点让生意上轨道，一切能顺顺利利地进行。