Choosing Path

I am unhappy now... The unhappy feeling is slowly killing me...

I doubt whether I have made the correct decision. I doubt which decision is the correct decision. Ever since I told Ms Tian, it seems like everything is no longer the same. The initial intention is to give her early mental preparation, so she will know what to rely on me and what not to. However, the feeling that she no longer trusts me is slowing killing me. From past until now, proving my values in the company/ office is always ultimately important to me, thus when I start having the uncertain feeling, it is making me really panic and worry.

Fernn is also leaving the company... Jolene has left the house... It seems like everybody is slowing leaving, leaving me alone standing here, holding on for nothing, or something that I don't know of..

Staying here over friends is never a smart/ good rationale. I know, I understand, I just can't do it. I am feeling scare of what might happen after I left the company. It is like... One moment I have decided to leave, the next moment I doubt. This is really too suffering for me... Annie left, then Say How left, now Fernn is also leaving... Chiang also will be leaving sooner or later... Again, I will be the only person left alone here... I don't want that to happen, so I want to leave before I am the last! But, I just cannot make up my mind to leave now.

Today, I almost don't know how to face Ms Tian. It is just so awkward and weird. Fernn asks me why, I also don't know why. I think it is just me. Perhaps I placed too much emphasis on creating my value in the company. When I start losing my value, it is kind of scary for me. But, can I stay in UTAR forever? Will I be happy to stay here forever? Even after everyone have left...

Opportunity doesn’t always come. It may come today and leave tomorrow. Chance may only come once in a lifetime. Do you really want to give it up over such reason? Now I am standing in front of the choosing path, either take left or right... But it is really difficult, almost too difficult for me to make up my mind, too difficult for me to let go...