Specially for you~~~

Once in awhile,
I felt that I do not fit in;
I felt that I do not belong in their world;
I felt that they do not need me here;
I felt that they might be happier without me here;
I felt that another girl is more welcomed than me;
I felt that there is no need for me to talk, and
I felt jealous…

And so,
I felt that I am not likable;
I started doubting myself;
I felt that it is a sin to have such feelings;
I felt that it is all my fault of thinking this way.

It is especially painful when I see you treat her that way,
Like there is no much difference from how you treat me;
It is especially painful when I see all of you are so attracted to her,
Like I am just someone who is not important.
When you tell me there is nothing between us,
But you just keep doing things that make me think.

But then, I start telling myself that,

It is normally for me to feel so.
All girls will need attention.
I am just not used with the newcomer that just joined us.
I am just not used to her having more attention than me.
It is normal and it is not a sin.
Day after day, one day, I will be able to treat her as part of us.

I am sure that I will able to do it.
It is just a phrase of life, where I am lost.
With the support from friends,
Knowing that they will always be with me,
It is more important than anything else in the world.

As for you,
If you cannot treat me that way that I want,
I would rather to let go.
I know it will take time,
But I will definitely recover,
From the wound that caused by you.

One day,
I will be able to stand still,
Looking proud at you,
Telling you that I have moved on,
And found someone better,
Someone who appreciates me,
Someone who does not confused me,
Someone who loves me as much as I do.