Was it you or was it me?

I don’t know what to do when everything falls apart.
I don’t know what to do when our heart falls apart.

Seeing our heart getting further and further,
I feel weak that there is nothing that I can do.
Or maybe there is, just that I refused to accept.

Deep inside my heart, I know that I still love you.
But, I know that I also love freedom at the same time.
Maybe I am being selfish, dreaming that I can balance two at the same time.

You said I do not care.
If I do not care, why is my heart so painful?
If I do not care, why am I screaming for you forgiveness?

Was it me or was it you?
Who was the one who push our relationship to the end?
Or was it both?

Working in TOA~~

After reading through my blog, I just noticed that I have not written anything regarding my new job. I have been working in The One Academy (TOA) for more than a month. A lot of people have asked me how is the company and the working environment.

Firstly, it is very tiring to work here. Let not go into the workload, just looking at the location of the office is worse enough. The office is located at 3rd Floor, which is the same level with where DSA, PJ Campus located in FICT. But, there is a huge difference between both offices; UTAR has lift where TOA does not have. As all the administrative offices are at Ground Floor, every day I have to climb up and down from Ground Floor to 3rd Floor. But, looking at the bright side, it is a good method for me to exercise. (^_”)

Most of the time, I am always alone in the office. Why? All lecturers in my department are guest lecturers, which mean that they will only come to college whenever there is class. As my boss, who at the same time is a celebrity, with so many shooting, he will only come in the office twice a week. What this means? It means the office is all mine during all other four days. Nowadays, MSN, playing FB, blogging, reading novel are most of the things that I have been doing in the office. Although there is no one talking to me in the office, I gained a lot of freedom, which is even better isn’t it? (^_^)

As my boss is always not in the office, I need to represent him most of the time. Attending meeting on his behalf; dealing with other departments on his behalf; liaising with Principal’s secretary on his behalf. Doing this job, it is very important for me stay focus, which most of the time is quite hard for me. It also requires me to make right decision in just a glimpse of eyes, which most of the time make me worry, worry that I may not make the right decision.

People asked me, do I miss UTAR? Duh! Of course I do. I miss having lunch with Jia, Vincent and Chiang. We always go around trying new food and nice food; I miss meeting with students, having discussion with them on the upcoming events; I miss running around for students’ event, sometimes I can even forget about my lunch and dinner; I miss guiding students on minutes writing, seeing them improve would be my biggest satisfaction of the day; I miss flower selling during Convocation. Although it is very tiring, working together with SL, Vivian and other students is always so fun; I miss the office, it is always full with my noise and laugh; I miss sitting next to Vincent, although I always teased at him.

I miss everything in UTAR, regardless it is good or bad. But, new job isn’t so bad either. At least I know I know I will be able to learn new things here and one day, I will find something in TOA which is also very important for me. (^_^)

When I First Started Blogging~~~

Looking back at old blogs sometimes really bring back lots of memories. Today, I finally are able to access to my old blog again, this kind of made me feel excited and I start reading through some of my old entries and comments.

After reading, just noticed how bad my Chinese has became. Although I speak in Chinese very often, I rarely write in Chinese, I think it must be the reason. =_=

After reading my very first entry, I noticed that I actually start blogging since April 2005 then stop blogging in April 2006. And now, after so long, I have finally able to pull back my courage and start blogging again.

I started blogging under influential of friends and I also stop blogging because of them. One point of time, we had really bad relationship due to many reasons. In fact, it was published in one of the blogs written by them. Recall back, I still remember how injured and how hurt I used to be. At that time, disbelieve is only feeling in my heart. I could never imagine my so-call best friends could treat and comment me in such a way. I believed it must be the worst memories in my lifetime.

Nevertheless, I am glad that we are able to get over that period; I am glad that we could become friends again after that. Some people said that I was too forgiving, but friendship is all about forgiving, forgive what your friends had done to them, and accept them regardless of who they are. This is the kind of friendship that I believe in.

Throughout so many years, friends come and go. People grew up differently. When one reaches another period of their life, they will move on, it is impossible for them to wait for you at the same spot. I tried to grow together with them; however, sometimes it is just too difficult. Sometimes, people just evolve differently.

After so many trial and failure, I am not sure how long I can keep the happiness that I am having now, which is why I am cherishing every friendship more than anyone else. I believed that it is important to cherish it now, than regret it later when you have lost it. I don’t know if I am good at maintaining friendship, but I do believe that friends are something that one could never live without.

Now, I continue blogging because I wanted to share; I want to share my feelings to the people who care. Instead of feeling sad and down over something that has happened, I am learning to let go and focus on present, instead of past. What had happened is over, and what is more important now is the future. Now, I am not blogging for anyone, but for myself, to record my up and down, my happiness and sadness.

Dear friends, let’s salute and wish that our friendship will never ends.

100 Random Questions

1. How old will you be in five years?
28. Gosh! I am getting older and older~~

2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
Kim Lup, has been chatting on MSN since this morning~~

3. How tall are you?
150cm.

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
Christmas Outing!!!

5. What’s the last movie you saw?
Bodyguard and Assassin.

6. Who was the last person you called?
Pau Lin, one of my colleagues at ISO Department, called her to follow up on the ISO documents.

7. Who was the last person to call you?
Eelaine, principal’s PA, to follow up with on the new syllabus's status. =_=

8. What was the last text message you received?
My boss, telling me that he will not be coming in to the office today.

9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?
Can't recall.

10. Do you prefer to call or text?
Normally to call, because I can get direct reaction.

11. What were you doing at 12am last night?
Trying to fall asleep.

12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
Married.

13. When is the last time you saw your mom?
Erm... 1 months ago, before I start my new job.

14. What color are your eyes?
Dark brown.

15. What time did you wake up today?
I think it was 7.30am

16. What are you wearing right now?
Dark Green Formal Shirt with Black Pants.

17. What is your favorite Christmas song?
All I want for Christmas - Olivia Olson

18. Where is your favorite place to be?
Hanging out with friends.

19. Where is your least favorite place to be?
When I am alone in a shopping mall.

20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
Japan~~ Have been wanting to go there for years~~

21. Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years?
Erm... Married with kids??

22. Do you tan or burn?
I think I am neither.

23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Ghost, I think.

24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?
Playing bowling and pool with Kelvin and Kim Lup. It was really fun though~~

25. How many TVs do you have in your house?
The house in PJ - none.
The house in Johor - 3.

26. How big is your bed?
The house in PJ - Single
The house in Johor - Queen

27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?
Both. Laptop doesn’t really belong to me though~~

28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
With my pyjamas.

29. What color are your sheets?
Blue.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
Six. ^_^

31. If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?
Buy a new queen size bed.

32. What was the last thing you bought?
A table lamp which was supposed to give to Phuah as his housewarming present.

33. Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?
Erm... Fetch by someone, a definite yes. Ride by myself, only once, when my friend is trying to teach me how to ride.

34. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
I wish, but I have height phobia.

35. Do you have a garden?
No, but I always wanted one.

36. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
Erm... Used to, but now forget already.

37. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
I wish morning never come.

38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
Erm~~ High hues?

39. Are you a social person?
I think so~~

40. What was the last thing you ate?
Milo with crackers.

41. What is your favorite restaurant?
Anywhere with nice ambient and good food.

42. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
Of course not.

43. How many tattoos do you have?
None, wanted to get one, but have not pull out enough courage.

44. Who was the last person you ate dinner with? tomato or butternut squash
Boyfriend and his families, who happened to be my housemates as well. =_=

45. What's the farthest-away place you've been?
Erm... I think is Thailand.

46. Do you like Chinese food?
Yes.

47. Do you like coffee?
Definitely not.

48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average?
About 4 litre.

49. What do you drink in the morning?
During breakfast? Milk. Yuckz!~ All for the healthy lifestyle~~

50. What non-banking related card in your wallet is the most valuable to you?
IC?

51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
Usually yes.

52. Are you a good cook?
Not too bad. ^_^

53. Do you like to cuddle?
YES!!~~

54. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
Duh!~ I am a driver k?

55. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No.

56. Is there anything going on this weekend?
Not for the moment. Anyone want to date me? kekeke~~

57. What do you miss about highschool, if anything?
Yes. The friendship.

58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?
Yes, Wendy, but she is one year older than me.

59. Do you want kids?
Yes, of course!! I love kids!!

60. Do you speak any other languages?
Erm... Chinese, English, Malay, Cantonese, Japanese~~

61. Do you sing in the shower?
No, never.

62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
No.

63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
Ocean~~

64. Which came first the chicken or the egg?
I refuse to answer this endless question.

65. How many keys on your key ring?
PJ House Keys - 6
Office Keys - 5
Car Keys - 2

66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
Definitely is FOOD!!!

67. Where would you retire to?
New Zealand~~

68. What kind of car do you drive?
Kancil Manual.

69. Can you roll your tongue?
Yes!

70. Who is the funniest person you know?
A lot of them are funny~~~

71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
No.

72. What is the main ring tone on your phone?
Mariah Carey - Bye Bye

73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
Don't think so. Most of them are given to relatives.

74. What red object is closest to you right now?
My handphone.

75. Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth?
No. Hehe~~

76. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Open, lazy to close~~

77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
None!! But if I have to choose, I would choose bear~~

78. What is your favorite time of the day?
Night time, because it means relaxing time~~

79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Ketchup sauce~~

80. What is your favorite food?
Erm... Cake, I think.

81. Can you change the oil on a car?
No, I don't know how~~

82. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?
No~~ Really lucky right?

83. Have you ever run out of gas?
No, I will never allow that to happen.

84. What is your usual bedtime?
12 something, near to 1am.

85. What was the last book you read?
A Chinese novel by 古灵.

86. Do you read the newspaper?
Not really.

87. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
No.

89. Do you watch soap operas?
Yes.

90. Where did you grow up?
Batu Pahat, Johor.

91. What radio station did you last listen to?
My FM.

92. How far away from your birthplace do you live now?
I was born in Ipoh, so I guess around 2 hours drive.

93. What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper?
Things to follow up with my boss when he comes in tomorrow.

94. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
Definitely a night owl.

95. What is your favorite board game?
Othello and International Chess.

96. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
No.

97. Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?
I think I can, but I am not sure.

98. Do you have pets?
Haihz!~ All are dead~~~

99. How many rings before you answer the phone?
If I am near the phone, one of two.

100. Do you like to dance?
Although I suck at dancing, I do love dancing.

Weight Loss Diary – Day 5

Date: 17/12/2009 (Thursday)

Breakfast
- 1 Sausage Bun

Lunch
- Milo with 5 crackers

Dinner
- Rice & Mee Hoon & Curry Chicken & Vegetables & Sambal Sotong
- Malay Kuih-Muih

Exercise- Stairs Climbing from Ground Floor to 3rd Floor – 7 times

Outcome
- Before: 47kg
- After: 46.5kg