On My Own...

ID Week is coming next week. It is an annual event organized by Interior Design Department, TOA. Only 3 more days to go and I am feeling so nervous and unprepared. Unable to rest well at night, thinking of it all the time, yet, there are always seems to be something missing somewhere, there are always something that I missed out. 

I have done so many different events, but this is the only time where I feel so helpless. I am totally on myself for EVERYTHING from the beginning until the end. 

Of course I have people from other department helping by execute my planning. But, what if I missed out something? Exactly like what has happened this few days. I feel bad for making such mistakes. I feel bad for troubling other people. I feel horrible for not making the planning right. I feel pressure when my boss questions my decisions. I feel upset when I feel so weak. 

I LOVE doing event, I really do. But, what motivate me to move on is actually the people. 

When I was a student, my friends and committees were my motivation to move on. We shared the happiness and sadness. We cursed together. We "OT" together. We fought for our rights and benefits together. Although we argue, the process and end result always brought satisfaction and happiness. 

When I was a DSA officer, students were my motivation to move on. Looking at them growing  from event to event, again brought my satisfaction to the max. We always tried our hardest to make an event the best. And I always tried hardest to ensure that students received appreciation for their contribution. Maybe some students hate me, but I know there are always some who love me. 

An event is always our baby. We gave birth to it and nurture it with our heart. That's why it meant more than anything to us. 

Now, I am doing event again. But, there is just no one there with me. Because, everybody are just merely doing their job. The event does not mean anything to them AT ALL.

I used to be very confident and proud of myself. Now, I don't anymore. Worst still, I start doubting my own capability. Maybe I just can't do anything right. Maybe I am just a lousy planner. 

I know I shouldn't carry on like this. I know I should stand up and prove myself. But, I really can't do it now. I don't know what else I can do, that's why I beg for encouragements, hoping that it will help me to feel better. Or maybe I will just feel better after today. I really hope so.