Choosing Path

I am unhappy now... The unhappy feeling is slowly killing me...

I doubt whether I have made the correct decision. I doubt which decision is the correct decision. Ever since I told Ms Tian, it seems like everything is no longer the same. The initial intention is to give her early mental preparation, so she will know what to rely on me and what not to. However, the feeling that she no longer trusts me is slowing killing me. From past until now, proving my values in the company/ office is always ultimately important to me, thus when I start having the uncertain feeling, it is making me really panic and worry.

Fernn is also leaving the company... Jolene has left the house... It seems like everybody is slowing leaving, leaving me alone standing here, holding on for nothing, or something that I don't know of..

Staying here over friends is never a smart/ good rationale. I know, I understand, I just can't do it. I am feeling scare of what might happen after I left the company. It is like... One moment I have decided to leave, the next moment I doubt. This is really too suffering for me... Annie left, then Say How left, now Fernn is also leaving... Chiang also will be leaving sooner or later... Again, I will be the only person left alone here... I don't want that to happen, so I want to leave before I am the last! But, I just cannot make up my mind to leave now.

Today, I almost don't know how to face Ms Tian. It is just so awkward and weird. Fernn asks me why, I also don't know why. I think it is just me. Perhaps I placed too much emphasis on creating my value in the company. When I start losing my value, it is kind of scary for me. But, can I stay in UTAR forever? Will I be happy to stay here forever? Even after everyone have left...

Opportunity doesn’t always come. It may come today and leave tomorrow. Chance may only come once in a lifetime. Do you really want to give it up over such reason? Now I am standing in front of the choosing path, either take left or right... But it is really difficult, almost too difficult for me to make up my mind, too difficult for me to let go...

又惹祸了~~~

我又惹忠霖生气了。。。

我承认我这次是真的过分了一点，一回来就不停的讲电话，完全没听过。就算他脸黑黑对着我，我还是依然故我，甚至他已经气地走出去，我还是没停。最后还是快到睡觉时间，他进来的时候，我才肯盖电话。

其实我也不知道为什么会将那么久，自从中学毕业后，我已经没有试过讲那么久的电话，讲了几乎有三个钟头。可是，才久久一次，这么要那么生气呢？

后来，回头想想，如果我是他，我大概也会生气吧！两人相聚的时间只有晚上，我却不拿来陪另一半，反而拿来讲公司的东西。已经那么迟回来了，最后实践还是花在别人的身上，我真的可以明白为什么他那么不爽。

可是，我真的不知道现在可以怎样道歉，要怎样才可以消消他的气呢？

刚才他把我从他的房间赶出来，我在外面站了很久，一直在想要怎样向他道歉。要敲门道歉？要sms道歉？还是什么都不做？当然，同时我也希望他会发现我在门外，然后出来找我。可惜，他完全不理我。站了差不多5分钟，他完全没有反应，最后也只能敲门道歉。

真的很后悔！怪自己怎么能让他那么生气！所以决定写下来，提醒自己以后不可以再重复同样的mistake，一定要尽量同样的事情再次发生。一定要！

满足感~~

昨天的心情难得不错，觉得自己做了意见蛮有意义的事。第一次，我觉得原来这份工也不会差嘛！

由于来月经，再加上工作量爆增的关系，一整天都处于不开心的情况，甚至需要加班到9点多，几乎已经到了心理上及生理上的极限。可是，就在我准备收工时，我收到了这一个email，“Can I resign?”。

一看到时，我真的是吓倒了。是，我知道这个chairman和committee有一些问题，可是，没想到既然那么严重。其实，我已经和他的treasurer说好了，在下个星期，我会和他们全部committee开一个会来reshuffle那个committee。所以，我完全没有想到他会那么快就要辞职。

在想了一会后，我决定马上打给他，和他聊聊，顺便鼓励一下他。说说下，他的心情也好多了，也决定继续拿这个position。我也让他知道，我不只是一个DSA Officer，假如他还有什么committee上的难题的话，他可以跟我讲，而我也会尽力去帮他。

以前，常常听到Miss Tian说，要对我们的工作由passion。她对这份工作很有passion，因为当你帮了一个学生后，那种满足感是不能取代的。以前，我没办法真正明白，现在我好像开始可以感受到了。

第一次，真的有认真地想，或者这份工也不错，或者我根本就不需要辞职，或者我比较适合这分工。。。

Congratulations!

Congratulations to myself and Jolene!!

Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations to 2 of us!

The business is growing!! Within a week, we received a total of 4 orders! 2 Valentine Bears (Pairs), 1 Love Bear (Pairs) and 1 Wedding Bear (Pairs). It sounds really good right? Especially when we are just starting! This is really making me so happy! I bet that I am going jump over the moon really soon.

I am so exciting, whenever I finish a set, I could not stop myself but to jump around and tell people how exciting I am. Isn't that great? When I showing people and when they liked it, the business just keep coming in! All the other 3 deals come with the first deal.

This is really good! It makes me feels like at least I am worth of something. When I want to, I can actually have a chance to make it into a success!

Let's just cross fingers and hopes that everything will get better. Our dreams will eventually come true one by one! The dream of liaising with NGO! And the best dream ever is that one day we would expand enough to open a Bears Cafe!

J, I know you probably will not see this. But, I really believe in you! And I am sure that we will be able to make it a success!

生意困扰...

Bear 的生意快开始了，而我们也收到了有史以来的两个订单，其中一个竟然是在这个星期六due（情人节）。

现在真得很担心，很担心。Design是已经出来了，可是却一直缝不出来，因为那个sewing machine有问题。现在我们已经直接放弃sewing machine，直接用手缝。真不能相信，用手缝的，竟然会快过sewing machine。

还好Jolene现在开始画pattern，如果一切没问题的话，我就可以照着pattern缝，那可真是容易多了。

其实中间遇到困难时，真的有一种想要放弃的感觉。如果不是因为我们已经花了那么多钱，我想我可能已经放弃了吧！

现在是希望我们可以快点让生意上轨道，一切能顺顺利利地进行。